China, in response to the State Department's Country Reports on Human Rights:
"Shut up. You suck!"

This is so awesome. This is China's report called The Human Rights Record of the United States in 2003, which was their jab back at the US for the probably not-too-pretty report on them.

It starts out:

On February 25, 2004, the State Department of the United States released its Country Reports on Human Rights Practices for 2003 (called the "reports" thereafter). As in previous years, the United States once again acted as "the world human rights police" by distorting and censuring in the "reports" the human rights situations in more than 190 countries and regions across the world, including China. And just as usual, the United States once again "omitted" its own long-standing malpractice and problems of human rights in the "reports". Therefore, we have to, as before, help the United States keep its human rights record.

Some of the infringements:

Unrestrained evil social forces and widespread drug abuse endangered the people's life and safety. According to a report released by US National Youth Gang Center, there were altogether 21,500 sinister gangs in the United States in 2002 with a combined membership of 731,000. In April 2003, an innocent woman was killed in a gang shootout in New York. Police had to impose a state of citywide emergency in the summer of 2003 due to frequent gang-related violence (see the edition of USA Today on Dec. 16, 2003).

and

According to an AP report, a woman in the city of Detroit had one of her fingers cut off and another finger injured by the police simply for a dispute with them in a parking lot. The report said the police also boxed her ears and tore her hair.

If you look at the "report," (it likes to use quotation marks, so I will join the spirit of things), it's long and cites papers like the NY Times, and the Post, and USA Today (?). I definitely will not argue that the list contains horrible things, but I find that China had to put together a retaliatory report pretty interesting and not unfunny, either. I also love that they use the word "sinister" and the term "boxed her ears." Again, awesome.