Ten Questions for David Sedaris on Time.com

YOU WRITE ABOUT YOUR ADOLESCENCE IN VIVID DETAIL. DID YOU KEEP A DIARY?

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. For the most part, it's just garbage, so I go through them, take whatever's good and make a master list. In the summer of 1984, I've got on June 23 that I saw a drunk woman drop her baby. And then an episode of Oprah that was particularly good on July 3. I used to type my diary and then have it bound. Now I print it out. I do one every season, and it has to have a seasonal cover. It's a lot of work for something no one's ever going to see.

HAS ANYONE EVER READ IT?

My former boyfriend read it once, and he was mainly mad because he wasn't in it. I said, "Yes, you are." Then I looked, and he wasn't mentioned. It was as if he didn't exist. If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.