Fourth of July, 2004 (On the Yangtze)
On this day, we were boat-bound for the entire day. The way the cruise deals with this is by scheduling lots and lots of sessions which passengers can attend for their edification. My mom was a major joiner and went to every session, save for "Chinese 101" (although I told her that she should have attended and kicked the ass of everyone else there). The best part is that she forced Erik to attend all the sessions as well, from the session about fresh water pearls to the session on the Three Gorges. Erik was predictably sullen about being forced to go, and every time he dared to voice protest, my mom would bark at him: "Erik! Learn something!"  I loved that.
 
One the shticks that Erik used on our trip was acting like he thought that we were in Japan. This slayed me every time. There was a map of China during the session on the Three Gorges Dam, and Erik talked about how he should have raised his hand and said: "I thought that Japan was an island?" At one point, my mom ordered Erik to write my dad an email (using the very undependable wireless Internet service). The email that he wrote is as follows:

From : 
Erik

Sent : 
Sunday, July 4, 2004 11:27 AM

To : 
Dad

Subject : 
you may not know me, but i'm your son


hello father dearest, i'm on this boat. and we're sailing down this river. and the boat's floor is prettywarped.  but other than that, japan is really cool.  we visited the yangzhe mountain  (or something to that effect)  THERE'S HBO IN OUR ROOMS! I SPENT THE BETTER PART OF LAST NIGHT WATCHING "DIVINE SECRETS  OF THE YAYA SISTER HOOD."  it was awesome. i cried a little in the end, feeling more in touch with my feminine side.  how virginia?  cicadas still comin? i hear it's the fourth of july. how's that goin for ya?  seen those lakers?  kristin got a pirated copy of fareighneasdkjfeight 9/11 if you want to see that.  and we all chipped in for a souvenir for you.  IT'S AN IOU!!                                                                                      with love i'd like to end this email a haiku. and my signature...
 
im going to count
syllables in the last line
1 2 3 4 5                                                                                 Love, erik

Perhaps things had become dire, but Erik was cracking my shite up throughout the trip.
 
During the session on fresh water pearls, the presenter had cracked open an oyster and let the resident kids go to town in prying out the pearls of its meaty flesh. The fact that this was a recently living creature along with the slimy scenes of the insides being hacked totally made me want to toss my cookies. Blech.